Surviving the Retrograde: A memoir

Surviving the Retrograde: A memoir

Screen Shot 2017-09-07 at 10.31.54 AM

What the hell is a retrograde you ask? In simplest terms, three or four times a year the planet mercury is said to go into ‘retrograde’. During this period, Mercury moves in an opposite direction to our home, planet Earth. All planets move from east to west around the Sun, during retrograde planet Mercury moves west to east instead, as if in backwards motion. During this time of retrograde, astrologers believe this backwards Mercury motion has an effect on life on planet Earth.

Being that planet Mercury is known to rule communication, travel, & learning, all of these things & anything closely associated with it, will be totally f*cked up! Most often during the retrograde Mercury is to fall blame for technological mishaps, botched business deals, scratched contracts, missed or delayed flights, mechanical issues with automobiles, glitches with cell phones or other forms of technology. The retrograde can also cause major delays, everything seems confusing, up in the air, uncertain during this time. Sometimes people from the past, such as friends or lovers, are suddenly brought back into the picture. The list goes on & on! Did something extremely f*cked up happen to you at all these past three weeks? Did you get in any heated arguments, high scandal drama, crash your car, break your phone, miss a flight, get a text or call from an old friend or lover, or have a business deal fall through? Theres a huge possibility it was the works of Mercury in retrograde! Disclaimer: Astrology & retrograde don’t necessarily promise good or bad, it just presents themes to pay attention to & be highly aware of.

Okay so now that we know what it is, how totally f*cked we can become because of it, how in the world to we survive it?! I’m bringing you this blog post from first hand personal experience, this past retrograde felt as if it quite possibly was going to ruin my entire life! It sounds dramatic & that’s because it really was. BUT– I’m here, I made it, I like to believe by the grace of God & just being resilient from past experiences. I won’t lie though, there were many tears, heart ache, anxiety, bat shit lose my mind moments, but I made it, even on the verge of wanting to completely give up.

Screen Shot 2017-09-07 at 10.30.00 AM

This past retrograde was a real DOB (Daughter of a b*tch). You know how they give hurricanes names? we need to start giving retrograde names, they can flip our lives upside down just as much as any natural disaster could. So I’m naming this past retrograde Fiona. As in, f*cked up my life, Fiona. A little background on Fiona, she started her backwards movement on August 12th & she went back direct on September 5th. Two signs were caught in her midst, analytical & control bound Virgo, as well as dramatic & power-hungry Leo. Being a fixed Leo sign I figured Fiona being in Leo would work to my advantage WRONG! It actually made Fiona that much more difficult.

Not to mention that it’s the year of the Rooster, in fire sign, & I was born in the year of the Rooster, which is always said that when the year your born in rolls around, it’s considered bad luck. The fact that it’s a Fire Rooster year & I am a fixed Leo fire sign, but am a water Rooster in the Chinese zodiac, is muy no bueno. That means I’m either fueling the fire or exhausting all of my energy putting the fires out. I take the heat the worst this year & could possibly be more susceptible to suffering, if not protected correctly. The year of the Rooster has also been said to bring a lot of chatter & talking behind your back. Which I experienced high peak during Fiona.

So what exactly did Fiona put me though? I’m going to be extremely vulnerable & break it down for you:

I really thought I was going to lose my job. Although I didn’t, I did lose a promotion I had been working extremely hard for, for MONTHS, I’m talking around 3-4 months, all because of a ‘miscommunication‘. I wish I could give you guys the gory juicy details, but I can’t for confidentiality reasons (yes, it was that f*cking serious). I had multiple miscommunications, that lead to even more drama. I was falsely accused of things, I was betrayed multiple times by people I thought were friends, & I was gossiped about (more than once & its still on going). My reputation was unfairly tainted. To some, these things may sound trivial, but if you know me, you know my career is almost my entire life! Not only my career, but my reputation, is something I take very seriously especially in the business world & beauty community. My career is my baby, my passion, my livelihood, my escape (sometimes), but also one of the driving forces that will take me to the fullness of my destiny & turn my dreams into reality.

I also adore the brand I represent, Charlotte Tilbury, & I’m die-hard for my team of girls. They’re not just my coworkers, they’re my family. Unfortunately through this retrograde we were all totally side blinded & told our team would be downsizing from 4 positions to 2 positions. We were all heartbroken & in shock. It’s basically like telling life long siblings their being ripped apart & put into different foster homes. It quite literally felt like one of the worst break up’s I’ve ever been through. There was anger, lots of tears, questions, confusion, & much more. That situation was so heartbreaking & still so bittersweet. Fortunately for me, I was able to stay with Charlotte Tilbury, but it’s just not the same without our whole team. All of this totally f*cked up shit happened within a 3 week period & It was mentally, spiritually, & physically exhausting. Aside from totally trying to f*ck up my career, Fiona also brought technical difficulties, at work, at home, with my computer, camera, & car being totaled. I also had miscommunications with ‘friends’, lost ‘friends’, & saw a LOT of true colors. Nothing will bring all of the snakes out of the grass like a good ol’ retrograde!

Screen Shot 2017-09-07 at 6.46.23 PM.png

Although Fiona quite literally put me through my definition of personal hell, clearly, I made it out alive. Though Fiona cheated me out of some great opportunities & happiness, it could never take away the lessons I’ve learned throughout this incredibly trying period of my life. Although I f*cking hate Fiona for creating such shambles she showed me what I’m truly made of & how resilient I truly am. The biggest lesson I learned, & the hardest, was patience. Nothing will teach you patience like a retrograde, everything is uncertain & up in the air until the planets go back direct (Mercury went direct on September 5th). I had to sit tight on various decisions, movements, & endeavors. Being patient taught me to trust the process of life & it truly strengthened my faith. I grew so much spiritually by learning to trust God with the timing of my life.

I also learned, life isn’t fair or just. For some, this is no news flash! But during this particular season of my life I experienced this a lot & I have come to realize that although life isn’t always fair or just, all you can do is make the best out of the hand of cards your dealt. Sometimes you have to play your hand to the best of your ability even when the cards are stacked against you, it’s about never giving up. Despite how discouraged you get, it’s okay to fall down, but you always have to get back up.

Screen Shot 2017-09-07 at 10.32.52 AM

All this being said, the next retrograde you can prepare yourself for will be this upcoming december of 2017. The next retrograde will be in fire sign, Sagittarius, from 12/03/17 – 12/22/17. Here are a few way’s you can plan & prepare yourself for the next retrograde:

Possibly take a social media diet/break, spend the retrograde period offline to avoid technical difficulties & misscomunnications.

Plan & take all of your trips & vacations, before the retrograde.

Make sure to sign any important contracts or business deals prior to retrograde begining.

Avoid any type of serious talks & discussions, keep all conversations as casual as possible.

Avoid making any huge life altering decisions, no matter how temting the timing feels. (ex: ending a relationship, moving to a different state, selling a home, buying a new car, etc)

Do not accept or start new endeavors, such as a new job or career.

I hope you guys enjoyed this blog post! Please don’t forget to join my Glow Gang to subcribe to my blog, I greatly appreciate all of your support. Leave me comments below about what you think about this post & if you experienced anything during this retrograde that you believe Mercury was in the works behind!

Screen Shot 2017-07-17 at 3.21.35 PM



  1. Konaai
    September 11, 2017 / 8:21 am

    LET ME FIRST START OFF BY SAYING you’re amazingly beautiful and very very inspirational 😊. I always look forward to your blogs . Seriously addicted to like just checking if you have a new blog posted up 😂 (Mostly every day) . Currently reading all your favorite books . AWESOME !
    Anyways on a serious note your recent post about the retrograde had me feeling you to the core. When do I know when my retrograde period will come ? Like how can I determine when it’s my turn 😭. I wanna be prepared because having a baby and being new to parenting and having to deal with in laws that aren’t in my best favor … ALSO dealing with personal issues got me worried sick about RETROGRADE 😂.

    Let’s chat , Mahalo!

    • Kayla Andes
      September 11, 2017 / 7:54 pm

      Hi love!! Thank you so much for your feedback, you are too sweet to me!! I’m dying over the fact that you love my blog & look forward to my posts! that means so much to me, thank you so much for all of your support! I love you!

      & yes on a more serious note..we don’t personally have our own retrograde periods, we ALL experience retrograde at the same time. When mercury goes into retrograde, as an entire planet, we experience it. Though, some people feel it more than others, depending on certain circumstances (like horoscope sign). The next retrograde you can prepare yourself for that the world will experience will be dec. 3rd – dec. 22! Definitely google up on the retrograde for more info! xo.

Let's chat,

%d bloggers like this: